did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
