and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
