I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
