Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she pinky promised me she was 18
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
