Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
