Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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