Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
