If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
