Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
