I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
