he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
