Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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