Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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