trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
