Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
