can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
