i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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