i always forget guys have bellybuttons
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
