Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
