My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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