omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
