Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he shaved USA in his pubs
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
