i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We need to rekindle our bromance
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize