I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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