I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
