got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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