Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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