She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
