I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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