Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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