can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
