he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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