hotel room ftw
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
