I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
