YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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