I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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