yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
