There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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