i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
