mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
