so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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