Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
