There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
