I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
