just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
