I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
