We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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