When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
