i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
