dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
