We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
