am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
