And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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