She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
