Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
