6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
