i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
