why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
