I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
