DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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