I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
