Kareoke will never be a sober sport
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
