Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
