Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
