A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
