Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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