is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
