I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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