Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
