so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
