I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize