Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You ruined the universe
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
