The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
