..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
