One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
should my penis look like a turkey
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
