These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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