well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
