WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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