I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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