We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
