If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
