I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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