did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
