Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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