Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
