I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
