Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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