i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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