Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Im just a social blackout drinker.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
