i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
