I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
