My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
