Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
